The New (computer) Testament

By: Varghese Chacko 1 year, 3 months ago

In 2007, I have translated apoetry about computers and posted on perl monks for fun. Just copy pasting it here, just for fun. 

1.1  In the beginning God created the bits
     and the bytes. He made word from them.
     Word had only two bits. 0 and one.
     God divided 1 from 0. And the evening
     and the morning were the first day.
1.2  And God said, Let there be data: and
     there was data. He moved data to its
     [own] places. And the  evening
     and the morning were the second day.
1.3  And God said, Let there be Floppy Drives,
     CD Drives and Hard Disk Drives. He
     created Computers to keep [these]
     Floppy Drives, CD Drives and Hard Disk
     Drives.
1.4  And God called all these [as]
     Hardware. And the evening and the morning
     were the third day.
1.5  And God made two major Output units,
     printers and monitors.
     Monitors displayed the soft copy and
     printers gave hard copy. He made keyboard,
     mouse and all other input and output units.
1.6  And the evening and the morning were the
     fourth day.
1.7  And God created all programs, small and big,
     servers and daemons, all of their kind,
     utilities and small programs, all of their
     kind and let them multiply and fill [
     in] the memory.
1.8  And the evening and the morning were the
     fifth day.
1.9  And God said, Let us make programmer in
     our image, after our likeness: and let
     them have dominion over the daemons of the
     servers, and over the utilities of the PC,
     and over the input/output units, and over
     all the computer, and over every thing
     that fills memory.
1.10 So God created programmer in his [own
     ] image, in the image of God created
     he him; male and female created he them.
1.11 And God blessed them, and God said unto
     them, Be fruitful, and use the computer,
     and subdue it: and have dominion over
     every software and hardware in the computer.
1.12 And God saw every thing that he had made,
     and, behold, [it was] very good.
     And the evening and the morning were the
     sixth day.
1.13 And on the seventh day God ended his work
     which he had made; and he rested on the
     seventh day from all his work which he
     had made.
1:14 And God blessed the seventh day, and
     sanctified it: because that in it he had
     rested from all his work which God
     created and made.
1:15 And the LORD God started a company eastward
     R&D center; and there he put the
     programmer whom he had formed.
1.16 And the LORD God took the programmer, and
     put him into the R&D center; to manage
     it and to keep it.
1.17 And the LORD God commanded the programmer,
     saying, Of every catalogue tree of the
     R&D center thou mayest freely use:
1.18 But of the tree of the widows of wealth and
     power, thou shalt not use of it: for in the
     day that thou use thereof thou shalt surely
     fired.
1.19 And the LORD God said, [It is] not
     good that the programmer should be alone;
     I will make him an help meet for him.

      
1.20 And Programmer said, This [is] now
     bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:
     she shall be called User, because she was
     taken out of Programmer.
1.21 Now the Bill Gates was more subtil than
     vendors of the field which the LORD God
     had made. And he said unto the user, Yea,
     hath God said, Ye shall not use of every
     program of the Computer?
1.22 And the user said unto the Gates, We may
     use of the programs of the Computer: But
     of the Program of the catalogue tree which
     [is] in the midst of the Computer,
     God hath said, Ye shall not use of it,
     neither shall ye touch it, lest ye fired.
1.23 And the Gates said unto the user, Ye shall
     not surely fired: For God doth know that
     in the day ye use thereof, then your eyes
     shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods,
     having wealth and power.
1.24 And when the user saw that the program
     [was] good for use, and that it
     [was] pleasant to the eyes, and a
     program to be desired to make [one]
     rich & powerful, she took of the program
     thereof, and did install & use, and gave
     also unto her programmer with her; and he
     did install & use.
1.25 And the eyes of them both were opened, and
     they knew that they [can] play games;
     and they installed games together, and played
     all the day.
1.26 And they heard the voice of the LORD God
     walking in the R&D center in the cool
     of the day: and Programmer and client were
     searching for drivers.
1.27 And the LORD God called unto Programmer, and
     said unto him, What [art] you looking
     for?
1.28 And he said, I heard thy voice in the R&D
     Center, and I was afraid, because I [was
     ] missing drivers.
1.29 And he said, Who told thee that thou [are]
     missing drivers? Hast thou used windows, whereof
     I commanded thee that thou shouldest not use?
1.30 And the programmer said, The client whom thou
     gavest [to be] with me, she gave me of
     the program, and I did install.
1.31 And the LORD God said unto the user, What [is]
     this [that] thou hast done? And the user
     said, The Gates beguiled me, and I did install.
1.32 And the LORD God said unto the Gates, Because
     thou hast done this, thou [art] richest
     above all humans:
1.33 And I will put enmity between thee and the user,
     and between thy seed and her seed; and live by
     selling windows.
1.34 Unto the user he said, windows will eat up all
     your resources; and you will always use programs
     with bugs; and thy desire [shall be] to thy
     programmer, and he shall rule over thee.
1.35 And unto Programmer he said, Because thou hast
     hearkened unto the voice of thy client, and hast
     used of the windows, of which I commanded thee,
     saying, Thou shalt not use of it: you will allways
     have deadlines which you can't meet; your programs
     will always have bugs and debug [these]
     programs all the days of thy life;
1.36 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the
     R&D center, to join companies and debug programs.
1.37 So he fired out the programmer; and he placed at
     the entrance of the R&D center, login name and
     password, to keep programmer away.

Note: Translated to English from a Malayalam poetry by unknown Author.